Two Already?!?

Holy Smokes!

For Christmas/Birthday

(since they are the same day for little Mac)

gift for her birthfamily,

we had some photos taken of this almost 2 year old.

They are going to love them!

It's hard to believe it's been nearly two years

since our sweet baby Mac joined our family.

Ouch

While we had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family (despite a raging cold in our family)
one comment from a sister-in-law still makes my heart hurt and burn with anger.

Keep in mind this sister in law is pregnant.

But in speaking about her pregnancy, and her struggle to get pregnant and stay pregnant
and our "similar" struggles with adoption and infertility she said,

"I'd rather have your trials than mine."

It reminded me of a talk I heard from Sheri Dew at a women's conference.
She shared a story about how after a different speaking engagement
a woman came up to her and asked,

"do you ever feel guilty that you chose a career over a family?"

(Sheri is in her 50's, never married or had children, despite all her prayers)

It was like she was speaking to me when she said
"if this woman could see the tears and the nights spent pleading with the Lord she never would have said that."

Not to say my trials are worse than others.

But if this sister could know fully the tears and sorrow
and prayers for the situation she is complaining about...

she never would have said that.

Nia Vardalos - National Adoption Day 2009 - Today Show

I love that she says,
"I finally found you"
when she looked at her daughter.

Every day I think that about my daughter.
I finally found her.
That is what it's like.
You know your child before you ever meet them.
And I can't wait to find that next little one.

Hooray for National Adoption Day
and such an awesome spokesperson.

Timing

I attended a stake training a few months ago
where someone shared this story about the early Saints in Kirkland.

The Saints knew that Kirkland was not their final stop, it wasn't Zion.
But they were there, and needed homes and needed to set up businesses.
And people were unsure of how settled to get in Kirkland.
Should they build with logs? Knowing they may not stay for long?
Or should they build with bricks
and make this their permanent home?
Would they be there for months or years or decades?

In answer to these questions
came the revelation in Doctrine & Covenants 51:

And I consecrate unto them this land for a little season, until I, the Lord, shall provide for them otherwise, and command them to go hence;

And the hour and the day is not given unto them, wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good.

The speaker spoke of how we do not know
the Lord's timing in all things.
But we should do our best with what we have
and act upon our circumstances like they will last for years.
And as we find joy in our circumstances,
they "shall turn" for our good.

I was reminded that the Lord will provide
when our "little season" of waiting is over.

How You Can Help Adoption

While we may not get tax breaks or credits from any stimulus package (grrr)
and we have health insurance for which we pay monthly
which covers 100% maternity but 0% adoption...

We do qualify for the blessing of an adoption tax credit.

Did you know that domestic adoption costs an average $30,000?

No kidding.

Did you know that adoptive families can get a tax credit for about $12,000?

Did you know this is the main reason we can afford adoption?

Did you further know that this credit has an expiration date?

But did you know there is a bill which will extend this expiration?

Well, now you do!
So write to your representatives and be sure this credit sticks around.
It's a direct way you can help our family grow.

Democracy rocks.

Choosing An Agency

So, you've made the decision to adopt.
Now you've just got to figure out who to adopt through.

Sounds easy?
It is really hard actually.

Most agencies have wonderful programs that fit families perfectly.
Most agencies are very upfront about fees, services provided, etc.
So do your research
and I guarantee the right agency for you will "pop" out.

This is what we looked for:

1) References. An agency could sound great, but previous adoptive couples will give you the real scoop on their experiences.

2) Failed placement refund/roll-over. If a birthmother changed her mind and decided to parent, we did not want to lose money invested already in our adoption experience.

3) Fees. What does the fees include? An agency might show a low fee, but it might not include medical, legal, birthmother expenses, etc. All those things still should count for your total expenses you are calculating. But don't forget many birthmoms are covered by medicaid, and adoption laws differ for each state (you might need more than one lawyer). Also beware of less expensive rates for African American children. I am bothered that anyone would say my daughter is "of less value" than another child. Be sure you know what you are paying for.

4) Percentage of failed/interrupted adoptions. Which leads to...

5) Birthmother support. Does the agency provide birthmothers with support before, during and after the birth?

6) Will the agency be supportive of our feelings in the adoption? Will they support our decision to not pursue a situation based on our feelings?

There are many things that contribute to how we've selected both agencies: the agency we used in the past and the one we chose for this adoption.

The most important factor to us:
the guidance of the Spirit.
The Lord will tell you what is right for your family.

Once we knew what to do, everything fell into place.
And today, we finished our homestudy.
Just waiting on our BCI (Background check)
and we'll be adoption ready!

It's Official: We're Adopting & Excited

You probably read the title of this post and said "Duh."
Afterall, we said if the IVF was a bust this would be the next move.

Even after adopting once before, it's still not an instant answer.

There is a lot to consider:

1) finances, cause let's face it: adoption is muy expensive

2) emotions, IVF was an emotional roller coaster
we had to rebound from.

3) finances...we're still paying for Mac's adoption.

4) How long are we willing to wait?

5) How are we going to pay for this?

We prayed. We read our scriptures. We fasted.
And we never felt good about what our next step was
even after we made a decision.

Then we considered different agencies. Then we attended the temple, again.
And the clouds of doubt and trouble lifted.
We finally felt the peace knowing we're following the Lord's plan for us.

Yes we are adopting again
and finally so pumped about the how/when/who in our plans!

It's exciting to know that a little one will be joining our family
perhaps sooner than I thought.



Just a side note: We adopted Mac through a different agency than we're working with now. It was the right choice for us then, but we had a "not great" experience (so I have not listed them on the side bar). We know we'll have better with our agency this time. We've done our research and asked around (which you should always do) and we are more educated about what to expect and know our rights as adoptive parents. Just a word to the wise.