Transitions

Perhaps the hardest choice a couple might face with infertility is knowing when enough is enough. When do you say, "this is it-our last IVF, AI, IUI, whatever." It's hard. Part of you feels like you are giving up. Throwing the towel in.

The first time for us, it just felt like we were done. In every sense of the word. (notice I said the first time? Who knew we'd do it all again?)
I was done with doctor's visits, shots, pills & crazy hormones.
My husband was done with having a moody, insane wife.

What we necessarily weren't prepared for was the transition.
We knew we had children who were meant for our family.
We knew infertility treatments weren't bringing them here.

It's a transition.
Going from knowing from your baby photos what your kids will look like.
To understanding that YOUR kids might not even be the same race.
Going from the general expectation of pregnancy and 9 months,
To not knowing when a child might come into your home.

The list goes on and on.
For me, it was a whole change of mind-set.
If we weren't doing any more procedures, what were we going to do?
(Heaven knows I just can't sit around and do nothing-I go CRAZY- crazier than clomid crazy)

Should we take a break?
Should we adopt?
Should we do foster care?
Should we just wait and see if our reproductive organs work it out?

People would ask us, "so are you just going to adopt?"
Know this: you don't "just" adopt.
There is more emotion, paperwork, heartache & drama than "just."
You have to be emotionally prepared.
Prepared to love a child that is not biologically yours.
And sometimes that is too difficult for people.

I threw myself head first into adoption.
And loved it!
Nothing can describe the overwhelming love you have for a birthmother & father and more so the overwhelming love you feel for a baby you just met.
(just to note: I really didn't feel 100% bonded to my adopted daughter until about a week after her birth--quite a common timeline with adoption--I got some tips from a great nurse!)

I will never forget calling my dad when we found out we had been matched with Mac.
He sounded disappointed at first-
and I instinctively knew it had finally hit him that my children wouldn't "look" like my children. They wouldn't have Grandpa's nose or Grandma's smile. I think it was a jolt to him.

But that's why it's a transition.
You change your way of thinking.
You re-evaluate what is really important.

And what was really important to me, was having a family.
It didn't matter how we became a family.

And while I still wistfully think of what labor might be like
or what our t-pott kids would look like,
I can't really imagine another story for our family
then getting a phone call about a new baby destined for us.